My role as a Mediator
He drew a circle that shut me out -
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in!
(Edwin Markham in the poem Outwitted)
We have been learning to work well with conflict for a long time and this poem applies now, just as much as it did in 1899.
When we are in conflict we naturally go to our fight, flight or freeze survival mode. Our stress levels increase – sometimes to the point of affecting our physical health as well as our mental wellbeing.
We are anxious, can’t sleep and the conflict starts to take over all our thinking time.
And to protect ourselves, we draw a boundary around ourselves that tries to prevent the conflict from affecting us even more than it already does.
The problem is – the conflict continues to grow, and so our circle becomes a wall that we keep strengthening.
If you are in this place – either a low level conflict which is at risk of escalating, or a conflict that has already risen to a place of intense heat – then please do get in touch for an initial conversation.
My role as a Mediator
In mediation we will seek a resolution that works well for both sides of the dispute.
It seems strange – as we often come into a mediation wanting our needs met at the expense of the other party.
Yet this ‘win-win’ gives the opportunity to move on from the conflict in a healthier way than staying in our ever increasingly small circle of ‘me’ with the walls getting higher and higher.
I will hold the process of the mediation and together we travel on a journey of speaking, of listening, of discovery and often of healing – as we unlock the root of the conflict and find ways to bring resolution that meet the needs of all those affected.
In doing so, together we widen the circle that has bound you, and allow others into this space for conversation and dialogue – held in a space that I create around storytelling, respect, giving and listening.
Listening and Hearing
Listening and Hearing - two different but equally valuable roles within mediation.
I hold the space where this occurs
– a space where you first share your own story with me,
- a space to share your story with the other party
- a space where together we look underneath the stories and move towards resolution, transformation and healing.
I have been an active mediator for 12 years, specialising in small and large group mediations within the faith and charity sector.
This might be a conflict between 2 people – for example two members of a church, two staff members, or a staff member and a volunteer. It might be a conflict where a larger group are divided. I have led successful mediations where 2 people are involved, and where there are 100 people sitting in different groups.
Costs
Costings are usually at £60 per hour or £300 per day for the charity sector, plus expenses such as travel costs.
While many meetings can be held online, often meeting in person gives an added value to the process and the outcome.
Please do get in touch for an initial free 30 minute conversation.